ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTOR

Sue Lester
Sue Lester Sue Lester is a Catalyst of Change in her roles as Head Transition Coach, certified mBIT Coach, Master Practitioner of NLP & Hypnosis, key note speaker, author and world adventurer. Sue specialises in mindset shifts, helping clients across Australian and beyond gain the clarity, confidence and motivation to create the changes they want in their lives. She also developed and runs De-Stress For Success, Personal Power, and Self Leadership First workshops and retreats, and numerous in-house training programs for a variety of organizations from social enterprise to accountancy firms. Sue also writes regularly for a number of online magazines and forums, and hosted her own weekely radio program "Let Go And Grow With Sue Lester" in 2011/12. Her book, "The Face Within: How To Change Your Unconscious Blueprint" is the must-have personal change kit.

Sue Lester has written 58 article(s) for us.

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Five Magic Words To Heal Hurt

June 19, 2017 | Sue Lester

There are five little words that can magically free you, and heal hurt-based resentment. This solution acknowledges that each of us has our own reality, based on how we filter information through our senses. It also acknowledges we have our own preferred way of showing love.

If these are your questions: “How can he do that? I wouldn’t!”  “How can she say that? I wouldn’t!” “How come he didn’t do that? I would have for him!”

The only answer you need to give yourself is, “Because he (or she) is not me.”

It’s as simple as that. Once you stop expecting people to think and act like you, rather than themselves, you stop wasting energy on unrealistic expectations. You can find common ground and enjoy them for who they really are, rather than who you want them to be. Isn’t that what we each really want, to be accepted and loved for ourselves?

Do you know how you prefer to receive love?  Do you need to hear the words, in the right tone of voice, with that special music playing in the background?  Or do you need to see the evidence of love in the form of gifts, acts of service (a meal cooked or your car washed), by being taken out for a special dinner or adventure, or is it that special look on your partner’s face?  Is not being able to talk on the phone fine as long as you receive an email or text you can re-read?  Or do seeing and hearing not make up for being unable to touch – kiss, hug, stroke and feel the body warmth of sitting close?

Just know that what works for you isn’t necessarily what works for each of your loved ones, your friends, your staff.  That’s why gifts mean the world to some people, and not others. That’s why some need to talk, talk and talk some more, while you might prefer to sit close in companionable silence, holding hands. Understanding, accepting and catering to differences keeps everyone feeling loved and appreciated.

Remember too, to avoid an information overload from all our senses being bombarded 24/7, we naturally filter out what is unimportant so we can focus on what is.  Each of us has different values, so we naturally filter differently.  A group of people walking into a room will all focus on different aspects: the décor, the music, the attractive men, the food, a space to sit, the location of the toilets, what other women are wearing, the paintings on the walls, the smells etc.

When you go on holidays and your favourite office plant dies from lack of attention, don’t think it was deliberate as most likely others in the office literally didn’t even see it.  You might walk into your home and see everything that “needs to be done”, but your family most likely don’t, and not because they are lazy or don’t love you!

Remember as you groan “Why?!!”, the answer is “Because they are not me.”  Start (patiently) training them to ‘see’ as you do, start leaving detailed instructions or work out another solution for next time. Remember there’s no need to feel hurt as it wasn’t personal, they simply don’t experience the world the same way you do, and that is OK.  Neither of you is wrong, just different.

(For more detail see Chapter 8 in The Face Within: How To Change Your Unconscious Blueprint by Sue Lester)