In The News

Fri 10 Aug 2018

Do You Grow In Your Relationships?

Business Consulting & Coaching
Every relationship we are ever in, can help us grow if we have a Growth Mindset.

We meet and connect with people for different reasons, usually when we are ready for our next subconscious lesson.

I believe that great LOVE relationships help each to grow to be the best version of ourselves by healing our subconscious wounds. But Imago matches are not restricted to just intimate connections.

I had strong matches with each of the executives I supported in the corporate world. I didn’t know it as Imago then, just we were a great team to the point of bringing the best out of each other.

Working relationships

An example from my days at KPMG with one of my all time favourite bosses – it was only years later as I trained as a life coach that I reflected and realized the power of that working relationship.

Frequently he would be responsible for writing government tenders. He would be the principle sign off and I would collate, bringing together the different contributions from around the firm. Together with the BD team it was usually a big – and at times – tedious project.

My boss – I’ll call him Alan – hated reviewing his own writings and would find anything, even the yucky financial write-offs to avoid the task of editing.

He was smart enough to tell me early on that he had a specialised ability of procrastination in this area, and that I wasn’t to let him off the hook.

It took a few RFT’s for us to find the right way of meeting his obligations but eventually I found a way of getting him to meet his obligations. I got good at knowing when he was not in the mood and likely to delay the process and was able to preempt it.

As a professional team we found a way to make it work. He allowed me to gently remind him when he was trying to avoid ‘the hellish job’. Although I never knew what the cause of it was, as a coach reflecting back, there was definitely a block there, not just a task he disliked.

He in turn helped me understand that all feedback wasn’t bad, I had the belief that anything shared to me for improvement, wasn’t necessarily negative. He was such a respectful teacher that he showed me the power of open feedback loops.

That working relationship inadvertently taught me so much about how I can successfully communicate in all of my relationships.

An intimate relationship example

Say you are an angry person. With the right partner, they will be able to hold resolute during your moments of anger, and support you to resolve and ultimately release the causes of that anger, not just on the one occasion but from a life perspective.

Then perhaps even be able to preempt and work with you to reduce the occurrences – not through avoidance but through GROWTH.

A great Imago match is when we are each equally supporting the growth of each other.

However we don’t each grow at the same rate and at the same time, this can create challenge.

We have to be responsible for our own behaviours actions and choices, but sometimes we don’t see our blind spots.

Friendships can be wonderful Imago matches but it still takes courage to point out that aspect that needs to be worked on.

The key is supporting through kindness and without judgment. If we are frustrated or emotion is created by their weakness there is a simultaneous match happening which can be even more challenging – and is frequently why friends have big fall outs!

Sometimes one of us has to take a backseat and choose to put the other first although that can also be the easier option than looking at ourselves.

ATM I teach Regan patience and he teaches me playfulness. Both are areas that we need to develop through our day to day actions, and we subconsciously hold the mirror up when the other is NOT being that way.

Through our awareness of each others growth needs, we can show up for each other without judgment or ridicule. Achieving higher vibrations for each other as well as in the community and making our gentle impact on the universe.

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