Don’t Correct Me, Listen To Me!
Have you ever felt like this? Like you were in the middle of an awesome story and you have someone pipe up and say “no that’s not correct, this is how it works…”? You feel like you need to stop and say “ hey my story, my facts!” Or perhaps you feel awful because this behaviour felt really rude. You may be dealing with a Perfectionist Communicator and how they listen in communication
In our recent post, we discussed the importance of being able to listen. In my Communication DNA model, I teach 4 communication DNA styles. The Powerful, Playful, Patient and Perfectionist. In today’s post I will outline how the Perfectionist Communication DNA style deals with listening. Their struggle is different to the Powerful, Playful and Patient Communicator but their struggle is real and can affect communication.
The Perfectionist Communicator, they are ordered, logical, natural planners and love to get things correct. They always strive for things to be RIGHT and love to correct and see that things are completed to every minute detail. They naturally are attracted to positions of technical expertise and detail. Why? Because they love to tick boxes, achieve high quality and prefer tasks to people. They do not want to be the centre of attention or focus, they are happy to be in the background ensuring all is correct.
This Communicator really struggles to listen openly as they find they naturally judge or want things to be correct, but they will interrupt if they feel something is wrong or incorrect. They are so sensitive to detail that they sometimes offend when they correct. They may say things like, “this is the best way”, or “that is not correct” or “the policies say that it should be done this way”. Let’s face it most of us don’t like to be corrected. But they do it to help.
The struggle they face is that to them correcting means they are helping and they do not understand why people get offended and upset with them. Especially when the person speaking just wants to be heard. So for the Perfectionist Communicator, listening can be a real challenge, they may offend and upset people and they just don’t understand why, in their mind they are helping.
The unaware Perfectionist Communicator can offend when they don’t listen and correct or criticise others. They get focused on the task aspects not the people side so they can come across as picky, critical, stuck on detail and of course perfectionists. In the workplace this can slow down progress especially if you are after progress not perfection.
In fact, sometimes when people feel judged they may avoid speaking with a Perfectionist for fear of being judged. The sad thing is this is not the intention of the Perfectionist Communicator at all. They correct because they want to help, they long to help, but like us all they are only human too.
So, what can you do?
If you relate to this, you have so many strengths so don’t feel like this is bad news… Not at all, in fact only a few small tweaks are needed to improve the results so you can safely listen well to others.
Firstly, be aware that people may not like being corrected so you need to be a little softer in your critique. Also others do not value being right as much as you do. Offer your opinion, when asked, but do not give it unless it is welcomed.
Be aware that no one is ever right all of the time, even you… Also that perfection is impossible so your expectation will need to be made more realistic after all we live in a very imperfect world. Perhaps consider changing your mantra to “progress over perfection”.
If you are struggling with a Perfectionist Communicator remember their intention is to improve things and do not take their need for processes and perfection personally. Don’t be frustrated with their struggle they just want to share their love for details and information as much as they do.
Next time we will delve into how different communication styles deal with “Asking” in communication.
Until then care connect and be a Courageous Communicator.
Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.