I became the leader I never wanted to be (here’s how I changed)
Guest Writer: Lucinda Starr, Founder and Director of Starr Studio
When I think back to my first big agency job, I don’t think about the brands I worked on or projects I delivered. I remember seeing the same archetype of leadership repeated, over and over. They were almost always men. They led by example (late nights, weekend emails, relentless output) and measured success in hours logged, not impact made.
There was a clear divide: talented women surrounded me at a junior level, but just a few made it to the senior seats.
Recent data from the Workplace Gender Equity Agency (WGEA) backs this up, with women significantly underrepresented in senior roles, particularly at a board and senior management level in advertising, marketing and media companies.
My first examples of leadership were tough and direct: blunt feedback given without context, work-from-home days discouraged without a clear rationale, and an unsustainable pace of output glorified as “just part of the job”.
When I went out on my own and launched my own content marketing agency, I said I’d do things differently. But for the first few years, I unintentionally let this more masculine view of leadership guide me.
Unlearning perfectionism
It’s a playbook many business owners will be familiar with: the “I’ve got it handled” facade that leads with pressure, perfectionism and the desire to do it all alone. There’s no space for authenticity, vulnerability, or days off.
To be this kind of leader, I needed to be serious and “strong”. Starting early, finishing late and existing in a perpetual state of stress felt necessary.
At the time, working harder and doing more seemed important, like I was setting the right example for my team. Instead, it left me burnt out, and my employees stifled and frustrated.
Somewhere along the way, I became the leader I never wanted to be.
Redefining leadership on our own terms
2025 has been a turning point. White knuckling through my weeks wasn’t why I got into business, and performing as a commanding, assertive leader was only demotivating my team.
A new cohort of powerhouse women joined the agency, the kind of women I’ve always wanted to work with and see thrive in senior positions, too. I owed it to them to model a style of leadership that would allow us all to succeed.
Since then, a team culture has emerged that I never saw modelled in my early career. It’s hard-working and high-performing, while holding space for play and vulnerability to shine through.
What this looks like in practice
This shift required concrete changes to how we work and how I lead:
- Honesty became operational: We talk openly about headspace, hormones, luteal phases, PMDD fog, and monthly cycles as essential context for collaboration and wellbeing. This transparency makes our work planning more realistic, our communication more effective, and removes the guilt that comes from pretending we’re machines.
- Vulnerability became non-negotiable: Admitting when I’m stretched, asking for help, and acknowledging mistakes gave my team permission to do the same. The result? Faster problem-solving, stronger trust, and a team that actually wants to show up.
- Play became strategic: Coffee runs, afternoon snack breaks, and moments of lightness aren’t distractions from the work; they’re what sustain it. A creative agency needs creative energy, and that doesn’t come from grinding harder.
Your roadmap for leading differently
If you’re ready to move away from outdated versions of leadership and build something that works for you (and your team), here are a few helpful places to start:
- Name the leadership you inherited: Write down the behaviours and expectations you absorbed early in your career. Which ones are you still performing? This awareness is the first step to reshaping and redefining your leadership style.
- Model the transparency you want to see: Start small. Share when you’re having an off day, admit when you don’t have all the answers, and ask for input instead of direction. Your team is waiting for permission to be human, too.
- Treat rest as a performance strategy: High output requires recovery. Schedule your work around your energy, not against it. If you track your cycle, use it. If you need a mental health day, take it, and be transparent about why with your team so they’re empowered to do the same.
- Hire people who challenge you to lead better: Surround yourself with people who won’t accept the old playbook. The discomfort of evolving your leadership style is temporary; the culture you build is lasting.
- Measure success differently: Output matters, but so does retention, creativity, and how your team feels on a Friday afternoon. If your leadership style only works when everyone is performing at 100%, it won’t work long-term.
The leadership style I searched for in those early days? I had to build it myself. And the good news? You can, too.