Is listening Over Rated?
Listening is a communication skill that can be taken for granted or missed in our everyday communication. Listening means “The process of listening in Communication when done well involves five stages: receiving, understanding, evaluating, remembering, and responding. Active listening is a particular communication skill that requires the listener to provide feedback on what he or she hears to the person communicating.”
Listening can often be seen as a rather passive activity but it really isn’t; when done well. In fact, it can be very challenging to listen well. It takes focus, time and energy.
Whilst hearing Sir Richard Branson speaking at an event in 2016 he said, “listening is one of the most underrated communication skills out there”. That made me sit up and listen.
You see, research has shown that to be an exceptional communicator we need to be well rounded, balanced, self aware and have these 3 skills mastered….. the ability to Ask, Listen and Tell.
When Communicators master only one of these 3 skills they are seen by 3% of there audience to be exceptional, however those who can master all 3 (Ask, Listen and Tell), are seen by more than 80% of their audiences to be exceptional communicators.
We have all been in a conversation where we have not felt heard, perhaps our audience jumps in and speaks over us, perhaps they glaze over and are obviously not listening, perhaps we feel like tapping them on the forehead mid story and saying “hellooo is anybody home” or maybe they jump in an correct you on your facts which always goes down well.
One thing is for sure, feeling unheard is an awful feeling, one I wish on no one, but a feeling that we can all feel frequently. Sadly when someone isn’t listening to you they often do not even realise what they are doing and just how damaging it can be in our personal and professional relationships.
Today we will focus on the art of listening and why it may be a struggle for us all at times. If you have read any of my articles you will see that I teach on a concept of Communication DNA and how this affects our ability to connect well with others.
Our Communication DNA is how we prefer communication, how we communicate and how the world perceives us.
In Summary there are 4 main DNA styles the Powerful or “Doer”, the Playful or “Talker”, the Patient or “Supporter” and the Perfectionist or “Thinker”. When I coach or train a person or team we complete a process of answering a series of questions to uncover what your Communication DNA is. As we cannot do that here just think about what you relate to more, Doing, Talking, Supporting or Thinking in terms of how you show up and relate to others.
Because everyone has our own unique Communication DNA, we all have strengths and challenges in our communication skills. Listening is one of those skills that comes more easily to some than to others. The great news is, we can all get better at it with some focus and intention.
For example, the Powerful Communicator is naturally strong in the area of Telling, but may struggle to listen. As they love control and decision making, and can be a tad impatient, listening can be a chore. They would rather giver orders (sorry delegate) and tell others what to do.
The Playful love to talk so again Telling stories is a strength for them, not necessarily listening, these guys can jump in and trump your story with a better one every time. But you still love them right?
The Patient and wonderful Listeners and can be even better when they harness the skill of active listening, only because as a communicator we like that re enforcement that people are actually listening to us. The Patient communicators are always ready with a willing ear to listen.
The Perfectionist is more of an expert Asker as they like to understand why. They will listen but can struggle with correcting people. This does not usually go down well with the person who is speaking as most of us do not like to be corrected when we are sharing. But they are only trying to help!
As you can see, each of use struggles to listen for different reasons. Even quieting our own mind down enough to be present when someone is sharing with us can be tricky as most of us are very busy these days.
Having said that, prioritising the importance of listening as a foundation communication skill will only improve your connections with others. Just think about how nice it is when you feel like someone is really listening you and you will see how important it is to listen when others communicate with you. Communication really is a two way street.
Until then Care Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.
Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.