PART 3 Three Ways to Fail-Safe Your Valuable Relationships – at home and work
It's easier to mend a relationship than to find a brand new one and start afresh.
Consider the emotional and financial cost of divorce, of sacking and hiring staff, of ‘breaking up’ with a joint venture partner. Are you wincing at the thought? Relationships are to be valued and nurtured to remain gold. There are just 3 key reasons relationships, personal or business fail: 1. Clash in values 2. Disempowering unconscious blueprints. 3. Unfulfilled love strategies.
In this 6 part series of blog posts we’ll look at the three in each of the home and workplace contexts.
PART 3: UNFULFILLED LOVE STRATEGIES – HOME
So, you’ve taken notice of Parts 1 & 2, your values are aligned with your family members, and you’ve changed any disempowering unconscious blueprints (internal images) you had of yourself or them. But you’re still experiencing tension and feeling unloved. That’s where Part 3 comes in. No matter how much someone loves you, if they don’t express it in a way you need, you simply won’t feel it to the degree they intend.
The first step is to work out what your own love language is, so you know why you feel less than loved even though your partner is kind, respectful and caring. There are 3 main types: Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic. At the beginning of a relationship, you use all three to attract and keep your special person. As you feel secure and the pressures of day to day living resume you naturally default to the easiest, your own. That’s fine if your partner (& children) have the same, but potentially the start of a rift (or discipline issues) if not.
If you have a Visual love language, seeing your love’s face, gifts, going out and acts of service are all very important. Auditory people need to hear their love’s voice, especially saying the magic 3 words, to talk long and often, might have “our song” and affectionate knick-names. Kinaesthetic people are touching, feeling ones so need to be in physical contact, plus demonstrations of thoughtfulness and special experiences that feel fabulous are important.
If your partner is Auditory so expressing love by saying “I love you” but is too tired, hot etc to cuddle, you’ll feel unloved if you’re Kinaesthetic and feeling vulnerable. It doesn’t matter how many cuddles or gifts you give, or tasks you do for an Auditory person, she won’t feel truly loved without hearing the words. If presents are an essential part of your life, you definitely have a Visual love language! The different types really come into play for St Valentine’s Day (birthdays, Christmas, Mothers’ Day) where the Visuals really need those flowers and gifts!
Understanding and using your children’s individual love languages helps your home become calmer, and makes discipline so much easier e.g. only raise your voice to an Auditory, as giving “the eye” to a Visual can be enough. Have your arm around your Kinaesthetic while listening to your Auditory chatter and making occasional eye contact and smiles with your Visual playing nearby. A group hug while reading a storybook covers everyone’s needs.
In Parts 4-6 we’ll explore the impact of a clash in values, disempowering unconscious blueprints and unfulfilled love strategies in the workplace on your relationships with team members, up & down lines, customers, suppliers and clients.
Feel free to ask me any questions or for more detailed information in the comments section below, or directly.
