Are “Fresh Starts” Really Possible?
Have you ever wished you could just stop, and start all over? Or perhaps you have? Did you find it worked, or did you discover your problems followed you? Going somewhere new, making a “fresh start” can really work for some, but not for others. Some will create new stories, others will take their old stories with them.
I know mine stowed away in my backpack and travelled with me across 5 continents. Through awareness, education and mindset coaching I’ve managed to off-load many stories, and like you, I’m a work-in-progress on a lifelong journey. And that’s OK. It’s being human.
The sensible way forward is to ensure the only stories you tell, to yourself and others, are those you want in your future. After all, when you move house, you might take cuttings of your favourite plants so you can nurture and grow them in your new home. You wouldn’t dream of collecting the weed seeds to take with you to replant, would you? Though honestly, you don’t need to – new weeds will grow anyway if you aren’t vigilant.
A new coaching client responded to this idea, “But if I don’t tell people about my past, how will they know who I am?” My response was to ask if she wanted to remain that same person all those terrible things had happened to or did she wish to move on and be a happier, more fulfilled version of herself?
We gently explored the ‘secondary gain’ (benefits) of continuing to label herself as abused. Did she gain pity, attention, did people make allowances for her or did she feel special having a dramatic story to tell?
What are the benefits of letting people learn to know you as you are now, and want to be for the future, your best self? Would that feel better, and be more uplifting and empowering moving forward? You may have fears that you’ll be found wanting, not interesting or good enough. These stories are just that, fiction, not true.
Spend time playing, designing your ideal self, based on your existing gifts, talents and interests, plus those you’d like to learn and polish. Then design the ideal life for the ideal you, feeling how fabulous it all can be for you. Crafting a vision board is a powerful way to reinforce your new messages to yourself. Just ensure you genuinely feel good about every image you add, and every time you look at them, otherwise you’ll do more harm than good.
Moment by moment, day by day, choose to think and act the way your ideal self would. No need to expect perfection, simply progress. Remember self-talk is self-programming. Talk (in your head too) yourself into success.
You can seek out mindset shifting tools and techniques, and expert help, to make your changes quicker and easier. Updating your unconscious blueprint™, your internal programming, is the fastest way to make lasting shifts in your self-identity. (Reference “The Face Within: How To Change Your Unconscious Blueprint”, www.suelester.com/store
You don’t necessarily need to move cities (or jobs) either – just stop telling the old stories and start with the new, focussing forward not behind. When others start to tell your old stories, nip it in the bud quickly with a “that was so long ago” and change the subject.
Be aware that some will prefer you to stay stuck in your painful past as that’s the relationship they know. They may need help to find a new role in your life, a fun-buddy instead of a bitchin’-buddy. Perhaps you’ll find it’s time to let them go, to make room for people whose company uplifts and encourages you. It’s OK to ask for help to support you through these changes.
Remember, this is meant to be your life you are living, not someone else’s idea of what your life should be. Yes, fresh starts are possible, and they start and end in your mindset. Give yourself permission to learn and move on, whether physically, mentally or emotionally. Moment by moment.
For tools and resources to help you along your journey, see my website www.suelester.com
Book in for a complimentary 15 minute session to discuss your needs. https://calendly.com/sue-lester/15min