Eavesdropping For Effective Communication
Language is a very powerful filter, because we create our reality through our perceptions of events.
In other words, we talk to ourselves about what is happening, deciding on the meaning, how we feel about it and what action we will take next. We can empower or disempower ourselves with this self-talk. In addition, we have a language filter which may block out a third to two-thirds of the conversation we are participating in!
There are three different language styles determined by an individual’s lead representational system: visual, auditory, and kinaesthetic. For examples, people who use visual language will say, “Oh, I see what you mean. Let me paint a picture of how it’ll look.” Others who are more auditory will say things such as, “I hear what you’re saying. That rings a bell.” Kinaesthetic language people say, “I get what you mean. I feel for you. I get goosebumps thinking about it.”
These predicates people use in speech are indicators of their preferred language style, and by responding in kind you’ll more easily build rapport. Rapport is essential for building relationships, in successful sales and simply for growing connections with others for mutual growth and support. Note, rapport is not built by simply parroting back word for word what someone has said. That can make you sound idiotic or simply weird.
Powerful communicators naturally or intentionally use a combination of all three, in verbal and written language. Which style do you use most often? If you are not sure, record yourself and take note. And your partner? Children? Colleagues? Play with speaking in ‘their language’, and notice the difference.
The most potent way language filters is in the power of self-talk. In the thousands and thousands of thoughts we have each day, research shows 95% per cent are exactly the same as the day before! Are you talking yourself into success or failure? We say things to ourselves that we would never accept from anyone else in our lives. So, next time you catch yourself being self-critical or feeling tense or unhappy, just notice what you’re saying to yourself and decide whether you are helping or hindering yourself.
It’s important because that self-talk is actually programming you. If you are programming yourself for failure and misery, be prepared for pain and ill-health, as they are part of that downward spiral. It’s your choice, and that’s where reclaiming your personal power comes in. You take responsibility for making the changes you want to see in your life. If it’s others’ negative self-talk that concerns you, then ensure you speak in their preferred language style to build rapport and help lead them to more empowering choices. You’re not expected to do it all by yourself, so relax, you can ask for expert help from a mindset coach to make change easy, fast and effective.