Feel Successful Inside Too
What is “success” anyway? A glance around a networking event, social media, TV and in magazines, will show you many versions of “success”, though not all are necessarily what they seem. Look closer and you see smiles that don’t reach their eyes, rapid weight gains or losses, and relationship disintegrations. High profile suicides like Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and Robin Williams serve to remind us that “success” externally isn’t enough. You need to feel successful inside too.
So, what stops us from feeling successful inside and out? Here are 3 key factors, plus the most significant of all:
The Bitch
That’s the internal voice that constantly tells you that you haven’t done enough, that everyone else is doing better, that you have to work harder, do more, do everything because otherwise, THEY will discover you’re really not good enough, just an imposter.
For some this drives them seeking more and more, with a strong fear of missing out. They often achieve great external success, but don’t feel successful inside. In fact, the more successful externally, the greater the internal pressure to hide how they really feel. Very isolating. For others, it becomes a brake, and they struggle to reach their potential. Soul destroying.
Know that voice isn’t yours, not originally anyway. It came from someone else and you’ve repeated their words so often, it seems like it’s you. It’s not. It’s time to ditch the bitch and replace her with your best friend voice and new empowering labels. Know it’s wise to seek professional help to clear your head trash, optimize your unconscious blueprints(TM) and re-programme yourself for self-acceptance and happiness. Life is too short not to.
The Expert
There are many out there willing to define “success” for you. This can be very tempting when you’re feeling lost and overwhelmed. Know they can only define success for themselves. Only you can define success for you. Only you know what’s most important to you in life. It might seem that a load of money is the answer, but consider what you want the money for. How much do you actually need? It may be far less than you think. Unless you love rolling in the cash like Uncle Scrooge, money itself isn’t “Success”.
Only you know what truly makes your heart sing, and if you don’t define success for yourself, you can overshoot the mark and needlessly work yourself into the ground, never satisfied, left feeling empty inside. The Deathbed Perspective can help. Consider who/what you’d want to be surrounded by, and what would give you most comfort, satisfaction and joy looking back from your deathbed?
Business Separated From Life
Know that there are masculine and feminine versions of success and paths to success. If you are a nurturer, with family & pets to care for, passions to follow, the masculine ‘laser focus’ version will leave you exhausted, frustrated and guilty. Be careful whose advice you follow. Allow yourself to pick and choose what advice resonates most with you and your ideal life. Remember your business is just part of your life, not separate and not the whole.
When planning, ensure your personal lifestyle, health and relationship goals are considered at the same time as your business/career goals. If they are not compatible then something has to give, and too often it will be your health: physical, mental, and emotional. Your loved ones are part of your journey, not something you can put aside and come back to once you decide you are successful enough. They may not be there.
TIP: Aim for Life Balance. You are on one side of the scales, and a mix of whatever you need to feel in balance on the other, including work, rest and play. That mix will change from day to day, with Life’s ebb and flow. Whenever you feel out of balance, check what needs to be removed, reduced, increased or added to the other side. Do it.
Suffocation
You were so busy saving and fulfilling everyone else’s needs you forgot to put your own oxygen mask on first. You didn’t think to reach out for help until it was too late.
R.I.P.
